Our Dear Addict has returned to the working class in South Africa. Its now wintery mornings find commuters glove clad and solemnly approaching work as Jack Frost nips at their ears. Having travelled to Mozambique and Malawi for work, our addict marvels at the differences between these countries and her home. For as much as the have nots exist unfortunately widely in her own country, the have definitely nots, are much more in abundance in the M Countries she’s visited.
70 days into recovery our addict’s road has become distinctly harder, challenged by offers to break her sobriety. Active addiction you see, is easier and coated with numbness, our tormented addict often longs for. This easyness is deceitful however – it is easy to loose your life, easy to loose your family, easy to loose your job etc. And ain’t no numbness that can ease those kinds of realities, this addict believes. So, although tempted, this addict resolutely shakes her head and chooses instead, the numb free newness of life she has come to know.
Being numb free and living life on life’s terms is much more difficult. It is harder to walk and confront each day “bare chested”. It gets easier with time, but more often than not, you get thrown a curveball, a tidal wave of terror that shows you, nigger please style, that you are but a baby in recovery. It sends you for a loop, but reminds me that each day, sometimes each hour, that our addict needs to tread cautiously. Perhaps this new found humility is precisely what the addict God’s intend – a definitive difference from the previously arrogant stance our addict used to take.
So today our addict is recommitting to her path of recovery. Strengthening her resolve to find herself, drug free.